realizations

1. I've come to realize that my body...
...will never match those of the majority of oc girls

2. I've come to realize that my job...
...is the best one i could ask for.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
...i'm much more aggressive than expected.

4. I've come to realize that I need...
...one day for absolute nothingness but reading, reflecting, and writing.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
...motivation, much to my dismay.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
...people argue for the sake of being right.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
...it's a dream, because that won't be happening anytime soon.

8. I've come to realize that money...
...is not worth any form of disgusting or terrible dare.

9. I've come to realize that people....
...aren't always what i expect them to be.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be...
...too attached for my own good.

11. I've come to realize that if I drunk dial people...
...see number 7

12. I've come to realize that my mom...
...really does try her best. usually

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is...
...not the coolest thing i own, like i previously believed.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
...it was still monday morning, although i certainly hoped i was wrong.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...
...5 hours is a terrific start amount of rest to start the week.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...
...summer trips. new people. new experiences.

17. I've come to realize that my Dad...
...possesses many qualities i pray do not get passed down to me.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on MySpace...
...i am seeking entertainment.

19. I've come to realize that today...
...was a thinking day.

20. I've come to realize that tonight...
...is going to be filled with delightful homework.

21.I've come to realize that tomorrow I will...
...be waiting for wednesday. thursday. friday..

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
...get focused on the most important things.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to read this will be...
...myself.

24. I've come to realize that life...
...is unpredictable. cheesy but true

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...
...is unknown still.

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...
...bob dylan's "the freewheelin' bob dylan" album or "positively 4th street"
27. I've come to realize that my friends...
...are few, but one of a kind.

28. I've come to realize that this year...
...is passing by much more quickly than expected.

dear mr. therapist

writing is my therapy. and each word, line, paragraph, the therapist. as it comes spilling out i can visualize him sitting there, nodding and taking notes in his spiral book. 

during each session, i'm free to scream, yell, sob, laugh, get angry, break down,

fall apart. it's freeing, liberating. like a suffocating chain that is spontaneously

broken from around my thoughts. how wonderful is freedom of expression- my opinions,

feelings, words, none of them can be judged. they're mine. my property. completely 

under my own control and authority.

however, during the occasional session, those walls of control fall apart. and as 

words spurt forth from my fingertips, i have no power over what story they decide 

to tell. the beautiful part? no one knows the truth. my words can be filled with 

truth and sincerity or more closely resemble a tall tale. 

my words are filled with quotes, stories, images, thoughts, dreams- all my own and 

unaware of their reliability. but honestly, what does it matter either way? it's 

word vomit. continuous phrases and in-cohesive ideas that emit what i'm feeling at 

that very moment. 

the therapist turns the page of his book, enough information to write a short story 

filled with my thoughts. as nonsense and nothingness continue to flow throughout the 

pages, they retreat to a common idea. sad. angry. happy. overwhelmed. scared. whatever

the feeling of the day is. furious. depressed. overjoyed. confused. they vary from day 

to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. each period of time is as unpredictable as the

one before. 

today? hurt. longing. frustrated. overwhelmed. i don't know how to express these 

feelings healthily. until my fingers come into contact with that lovely pen and page. 

and at that moment, i become enraptured with clearing out my head. my words stumble over 

each other through my rush. it's as if the words won't come out fast enough, but i have 

no way to speed up there delivery.

an obnoxious ringing timer symbolizes the end of our session. "until tomorrow," the 

therapist tells me, closing his book. my fingers stop their rapid movements. my head stops

spinning. and my heart rate slows. tomorrow will be a new day, new emotions, and a new session.