I believe we're all born with the same amount of hope inside us. Now at first there isn't much, because we only recently have entered the world. But as we grow up, we trust, and therefore our hope increases.
We depend on those around- our parents for the main part- and put our full faith in them, for they are not only our providers, but our caregivers, our comforts, and the only people there for us as we stumble, fall, and get back up.
However, our increasing hope doesn't continue forever. At a certain point, all the hope we once had dissolves completely, perhaps because of a betray of trust or a disappointment. This moment of realization isn't the same for all, but oh yes it comes to all of us eventually, no matter what we do to prevent it.
After we slowly mend and heal from our betrayal, our hope sluggishly comes back to us, with every caring or thoughtful act we experience, until we are back to our old hopeful selves.
Then, like an unexpected wave, that betrayal or disappointment returns, stinging worse than the last. Unplanned, unprepared, and completely devastated, we take longer to heal this time. Not only our hope vanished, but our hearts cracked.
On continues this pattern of despair and disappointment, followed by slowly picking up the pieces of our shattered hearts and hopes, and putting them back together again. As we grow up, the circumstances change, but the feelings are the same, but magnified.
Now there are different responses to this crush of hope:
Some harden themselves. Their hearts, their emotions. No longer open to invite compassion and care into their lives, for fear of being disappointed once again. They push people away, refusing to become attached to any one or thing, so sure in their minds that they will be left alone to pick up the pieces once again. Close friends and loves are a distant memory of their pasts, but close in their heads are the pain and hurt that those close people caused them.
The other group are those who choose to continue this pattern of disappointment and rebuilding of hope, because they realize its worth. Although the pain of it can be tremendous, the good outcomes of trusting and caring outshine the bad. No matter how far they are pushed down, they continue to come back up and trust again, no matter how long it takes them. They give everyone a chance, and close friends are a vital aspect of their lives. Sometimes these may be the people who are hurt more, but the experiences they live and the people that come and go, can change their entire lives and outlooks.
As much as I sometimes wish I could block myself away and turn my back on hope and trusting everyone, I tend to find myself as the second group, continuing to trust and lean on those around me, perhaps even when I shouldn't. However, I do believe that, along with love, hope and trust are the only things to make our lives meaningful and worth living. I'd rather go through life, falling down, but somehow managing to get back up, then to spend it alone with no one close to depend on.
Because although everyone will let us down at one point, there are the people out there for every person that will be loyal to them, and manage to keep their hope intact, if they are open to give them the chance.
It's hard to remember in the lowest times, but things can only get better. Hope and trust are the two roads leading back to better times, and truly the only way to live a satisfying life.
So, just a little train of thought I've recently come upon. It may not all connect to some, but it does to me, and really, isn't that all that matters?
"I feel that writing is an act of hope, a sort of communion with our fellow men."
"Despair is a paralyzing feeling. It only benefits our enemies."
